I COULD HAVE MADE A CHILD

September 18, 2020 / Re-released as album November 5, 2021

Elly Kellner music album

THE STORY

I Could Have Made a Child was originally released as an EP at the end of 2020 and then again released as an album with six extra tracks in November 2021.

Between 2012 and 2015 Elly Kellner experimented with writing in her mother tongue Dutch. With heavier subjects she digged deep and after all those songs were written she spent some time in troubled waters. Even though she occasionally performed live the inspiration to write new songs disappeared completely. This void stayed on for a couple of years and then 2019 came around and it became a musical and magical year. Becoming a part of Beyond Music was the great instigator and after that Elly started to write in English again, her first love.

Elly focused again on vulnerability as the main subject for the lyrics. In October 2019 the song Sharp Corners was born and in it she speaks about fear and (self)protection. At the end of that same year she wrote songs about loss and the art of letting go. The soothing I Could Have Made a Child saw its first light on Christmas Day. A song for anyone whose heart suffers because of childlessness, no matter the story, causes or reasons behind it.

Mountains of Men* concludes the EP which features three musicians that Elly met at Beyond Music. Sandro Friedrich from Switzerland plays the wonderful bansuri flute. Together with John Lumpkin from the USA on drums and Sasha Shlain from Russia/Switzerland on piano & synthesizer a meditative atmosphere was created.

Even though it is quite a relaxing and maybe even meditative song with a stunning accompanying video it indirectly also asks some hard questions. Do we want to follow the well trodden path, leaders who claim to know best or will we listen to our gut and choose the road less traveled?

2021 update: on the six new tracks Elly is joined by Beshar Al Azzawi on the Oud, Jivan Gasparyan on Duduk, Iain Matthews on backing vocals and again Sashla Shlain on piano. Backingvocals on the song This Kinda Fun by: Danielle Eog Makedah, Heather Bond and Syssi Mananga. Andreas Bernitt arranged and performed strings on the song My Roots which is Elly’s thank you song to Beyond Music for sparking her joy for music again.

Click here to get your digital DOWNLOAD.

CREDITS

I Could Have Made a Child was written and arranged by Elly Kellner. Elly recorded her parts in her homestudio. Other parts were recorded in the USA, Cameroon, Denmark, Congo, Switzerland, Armenia and the Netherlands.

Elly Kellner – Vocals, Guitar, Bass guitar, Percussion, Casio
Andreas Bernitt – Strings and string arrangement (4)
Sasha Shlain – Piano, synthesizer (5, 11)
Sandro Friedrich – Bansuri flute (5)
Jivan Gasparyan – Duduk (10)
Beshar Al Azzawi – Oud (7)
John Lumpkin – Drums (5)
Danielle Eog Makedah – Backing vocals (9)
Syssi Mananga – Backing vocals (9)
Heather Bond – Backing vocals (9)
Iain Matthews – Backing vocals (5)

Produced by Elly Kellner with the kind assistance of BJ Baartmans.
*Mountains of Men was co-produced by John Lumpkin and Sasha Shlain.
BJ Baartmans – Mix/master in Studio Wild Verband.
Cover design by Elly Kellner.

TRACKLISTING & LYRICS

I Could Have Made a Child

I could have made a child
I have the body for it
I could have made a child
And it would be grown by now
I’ve got the hips, the womb
The loving heart
I could have made a child

I could have made a child
And I could’ve fed it peaches
I could have made a child
And taught it to rise each day
To stay close to its own heart
Find strength in vulnerability
I could have made a child

But all this time I have spent
Making myself a happier person
All this time I have spent
‘Cause I needed more time
For me

I could have made a child
And written songs about it
I could have made a child
And hear how it sings
Could’ve caressed it and blessed it
With all my creativity
Yes, I could have made a child

But all this time I have spent
Making myself a happier person
All this time I have spent
‘Cause I needed more time
For me

I could have made a child

©Elly Kellner

I Will Start Over

The letting go is easy
But only if you’re into that specific sort of thing
Like tidying your junk from your trunk

It can definitely be quite easy
If you’re into really sad goodbyes
Like a tree in the fall, letting go of the leaves

Leave me alone, I will start over
Leave me alone, I will take a new breath
Leave me alone, I will start over
Leave me alone, I will take a new breath

Letting go, sure it’s easy
Particularly if a clean slate gives you thrills
Like an empty counter top on which to chop

Letting go is easy
But only if you’re into the bittersweet
It’s a bit like faith
You can choose whatever you want to believe

Leave me alone, I will start over
Leave me alone, I will take a new breath
Leave me alone, I will start over
Leave me alone, I will take a new breath

©Elly Kellner

Sharp Corners

Oh the corner’s sharp
We don’t want you to
We don’t want you to
Hurt yourself

Oh the monsters are
Pretty big up there
Pretty big up there
They might swallow you

Oh the water’s deep
We don’t want you to
‘Cause you never learned
To swim

Oh the people are
They’re all wearing masks
Wearing masks
You should probably wear yours too

We’ve taken care of you
Held you when no-one would
We’re keeping you safe
We’ve taken care of you
Held you when no-one would
We’re keeping you safe

Oh it’s all too much
And the air’s to heavy
The air’s too heavy
How could you carry that

Oh the sky is dark
It’s all pouring down
Pouring down
And you didn’t bring a coat

We’ve taken care of you
Held you when no-one would
We’re keeping you safe
We’ve taken care of you
Held you when no-one would
We’re keeping you safe

Oh the corner’s sharp
We don’t want you to
We don’t want you to
Hurt yourself

©Elly Kellner

My Roots

It started from a little pot
The smallest seed was growing
Was given water, given shade
And sunlight overflowing

But roots they grow and take up space
As they are growing stronger
They need more depth, more nourishment
Can’t stay here any longer
This spot is too restrictive

You gave me the world
Just so I could grow
I never imagined it possible
You taught me that soil
Takes care of it all
And now I can feel myself growing
Now I can feel myself growing

Give a little time, give a little hope
Give a little time, give a little hope
Give a little me, give a little me to you

It started from a little pot
The smallest seed was growing
Was given water, given shade
And sunlight overflowing

©Elly Kellner

All Of This Nothingness

Sift through

A thousand tiny holes makes the love disappear
A thousand tiny holes make it seem like it was never here

How is it to pour our everything, in, and see it all gets lost
How is it to give our everything, in, and see it disappear

A thousand tiny holes makes the love disappear
A thousand tiny holes make it seem like it was never here

But you come again and fill me up with all the love
And some is lost on me and some will be safely stored
In my heart forever
But baby can you cope
Baby all of this, nothingness

When we pour our love and everything, in, will it ever be enough
When we give our heart and everything, in, will we feel eternal love

A thousand tiny holes makes the love disappear
A thousand tiny holes make it seem like it was never here

But you come again and fill me up with all the love
And some is lost on me and some will be safely stored
In my heart forever
But baby can you cope
Baby all of this, nothingness

©Elly Kellner

Another Person

Oh friend, what happened
In our heart, what happened
And in our mind, what changed
In our heart, what changed

I got scared there
I got scared there

But how does one lose another person
How does one lose another person

Oh friend, I’ve lost you
I couldn’t find my way back
Too much was about to change
A lot of things got rearranged

And I got scared there
I was scared there

How does one lose another person
How does one lose another person

©Elly Kellner

You Broke It And Returned It

I wrapped it in soft linen
And I placed it on the table
I made sure the table’s sturdy
I made sure it wouldn’t fall

I watched it as you picked it up
Carressed it and held it in your arms
And I closed my eyes a moment to let it sink in

And every so often
I would pick it up to check it
It looked perfect like it did
when I put it there

Then I saw you hold it with a frown
And quickly after you put it down
And we watched as it fell to the floor

You said you didn’t care for it at this time
And you want to return what is rightfully mine
And you broke it before you returned it

You said it doesn’t do it for my anymore
So I don’t know what I would be doing it for
So I broke it and I’m returning it

Said you can have it back
‘Cause it’s broken anyway

©Elly Kellner

Humming Gently

I hear you humming gently
As you walk into the hall
You’re making us some dinner
And you’re taking care of it all

How beautiful this image
And how good it made me feel
How sad it’s just an image
No longer real

My brain is now forgetting
The softness of your touch
And my heart is slowly letting go
Of how I loved you so much

Go where the birds go
With their lonely song
We’ll go where the birds go
We did no wrong

Lover we tried, lover we did
Lover I loved you
But go where the birds go

©Elly Kellner

This Kinda Fun

One minute I’m happy, one minute I’m sad
I am thinking of the things that, I will never have
One minute I’m down and the next I’m up
I am gluing all the pieces of this broken cup

Drink it up, drink it up
There are no more tears to cry
Drink it up, drink it up
In the end we all will die

And I wanna live a little, before I do
And I wanna have this kinda fun with you

One minute I’m horny, then the next I’m not
I am thinking of the things I should have done but I forgot
I’m talking to my boo, he says he’ll soon be mine
Makes me feel a whole lot better and it work all the time

He’ll be mine, he’ll be mine
There are no more tears to cry
He’ll be mine, he’ll be mine
In the end we all will die

And I wanna live a little, before I do
And I wanna have this kinda fun with you
And I wanna live a little, before I do
And I wanna have this kinda fun with you

Boo could be just anyone, anyone I please
Maybe I am shallow, I just need release
Come on boo, come over here, I’ll sit on your knee
You can tell me all the things, you wanna do to me

Do to me, do to me
There are no more tears to cry
Do to me, do to me
In the end we all will die

And I wanna live a little, before I do
And I wanna have this kinda fun with you
And I wanna live a little, before I do
And I wanna have this kinda fun with you

©Elly Kellner

A Little Longer

The first thing on my mind in the morning
When you are sleeping softly in my bed
Is how I long to touch and hold on to you
Even if this kind of longing makes me sad

Is it a dream, we have to get up and do the things
But in my dream, I lay with you until the of time

Baby let us sleep a little longer
Just a little longer than before
And baby if we sleep a little longer
I know when I wake up, I’ll want you more

The second thought that comes in the morning
Is how I never want to let you go
And how I want to make us both so happy
Take us from that dreaded undertow

Is it a dream, we have to get up and do the things
But in my dream, I lay with you until the of time

Baby let us sleep a little longer
Just a little longer than before
And baby if we sleep a little longer
I know when I wake up, I’ll want you more

©Elly Kellner

Mountains of Men*

Will you follow me where I go
Will you follow me where I go

This path is so crooked
But it’s truly mine
I came in barefoot
Across the borderline

How I struggled uphill
Mountains of men
Grew into a landslide
Came down again

Came… down again
Came… down again

Will you follow me where I go
Will you follow me where I go
Will you follow me where I go
Will you follow me where I go

©Elly Kellner